The Student Who Doesn't Want to Be There

Dear School Counselor,

This Monday Ideas is for your teachers. Since school has started and everyone is trying to engage students to learn, this note may provide them with another supportive way of reaching students who aren't quite engaged... yet.

ASCA encourages us to provide collaborative support ideas for teachers that help them to reach and teach their students. Simply copy and paste and send to everyone.

Dear Teachers,

You are very important to every student you connect with in our school. They may not say it to you, but many tell me that they want more than anything to be liked by you!

Yet, every morning, some students walk through our school doors and into your classrooms from home issues or other tough situations out of their control. They would rather be almost anywhere else. But they showed up because they want something.

Sometimes it looks like an attitude.

Sometimes it looks like a hoodie pulled over a head.

Sometimes it looks like silence, sarcasm, running, skipping class, or saying, "I don't care."

But underneath the behavior may be something much simpler:

"I'm not sure I belong here."

So, on this Monday, here's an experiment that I would like to ask you to do. It is super easy and may help you with a challenging student who not only needs you but needs to feel like he belongs here.

Find one student who doesn't seem to want to be here today. Resist the urge to motivate or convince them to participate. Instead, just get curious and try to get to know the student as a young human. Here is something that you can say:

"I'm glad you're here today. Please let me know how I can help you with anything today in class. You are important to me."

Notice what the question does not ask: "What's wrong with you?"

Instead, you are looking for hopes, strengths, resources, and creating possibilities. This quietly communicates to the student:

I see you. I'm curious about you. And I believe there is a lot to know about you.

Sometimes the first sign that a student is beginning to belong is simply that tomorrow, they come back and say hello to you.

This is not just for your students, it is for you, because you deserve students who are happy to be here.