The Helpfulness of Not Knowing

Years ago, a school counselor asked me a question about a new student who had just enrolled in his middle school. He said the principal of the school where the student had attended before had called to inform the new principal that the student was a constant behavior problem and that he was expelled from that school after all means of discipline had failed.

The school counselor, therefore, had a question for me: “Should I tell the teachers in the new school about the student’s behavior at the old school?”

My answer was: “Who would that benefit?”

The school counselor said: “The teachers—they would be ready for him.”

Then, I knew, my answer had to be “no.” Why? Because it would not help the most important person we were talking about to be successful… the student.

When reputations follow students from one school to another, in the form of information or warnings, the student is at a huge disadvantage, and so are the student’s teachers. The student never has a chance to be anything but his former reputation, and the teachers become biased with too much information.

Seeing the disappointment in the school counselor’s eyes, I decided to give him an alternative plan. I encouraged him to meet with the student prior to him going to any classes and have a conversation with him that went something like this:

“I want to welcome you to our school. I would like to get to know you a little bit. Tell me what your interests are. What subjects do you like? What kinds of teachers do you learn best from?”

“Tell me too, how you want your teachers to see you. I often let teachers know about new students after I get to know them and give them a little information. Is it okay if I share what we talked about today with them?”

When we know too much about people, we see them with a tainted lens, even when they are trying out new actions. Besides, the solution focused approach is clear: it is not necessary to know about a problem to be helpful.

This week, when you hear stories about students, teachers, or parents, try to notice how too much information can try to keep YOU from honoring the values you have as a school counselor. Our role is to affirm and cherish our school clients, and most of the time, it’s easier to do that when we know less!