Avoid Saying: "You Made a Choice!" So Students Make Better Ones

Avoid Saying: "You Made a Choice!" So Students Make Better Ones

As America faces important decisions and choices this week with a presidential election, I found myself reflecting on how often students are told, "You made a choice!" as a response to when they misbehave or engage in another activity that causes a problem. This phrase is frequently heard in schools worldwide. But, have you ever noticed the look on a student's face when they hear “you made a choice?” Often, they appear sad, defeated and some even say, “yeah, and I don’t care.”  We then expect them to quickly bounce back, ready to do something different.

Let’s break down the impact of this statement:

• It comes across as an accusation:
  When an adult tells a student they made a mistake in this manner, it often sparks resistance, rather than inspiring change. "You made a choice" by itself doesn’t encourage them to try something new.

• It diminishes the student’s sense of competency:
  This phrase implies that the adult is in control, leaving the student without an active role in figuring out a better solution. Without further guidance, "you made a choice" doesn’t foster resolution or personal growth. If the adult suggests something, there is NO guarantee the student will try it.

• It hinders relationship building:
  The teacher remains the "expert," while the student is left feeling inadequate. This dynamic can undermine mutual respect and leave the student feeling unsupported in exploring their own strengths.

Enough of the problem-focused approach!

Here’s an alternative, solution focused approach:
Instead, try asking constructive questions when students face challenges, conflicts, or make poor choices:

1. "Shonda, pushing Sue isn’t acceptable, so you’ll need to sit out of recess today. Let’s discuss what happened together. What were you trying to communicate to Sue when you pushed her? How can you share that with her differently for the rest of the day? What’s another way you could make things better with her?"

2. "Leo, missing the deadline for your English composition did impact your grade. But I notice you’ve turned in other assignments on time and received good grades. That’s great - it tells me you can do this! What could you do differently next time to get your work in on time so you can show the student I know you are?"

3. "Jackie, when you raised your voice at me, it was hurtful. I enjoy teaching, and I like you. It’s hard when you forget to be respectful. How can we communicate in a way that works for both of us, just for the rest of the class?  What can I do?”

Notice how each response acknowledges the issue but then encourages the student to identify a solution. This approach fosters growth by allowing students to actively participate in the solution building process.

Try this experiment this week:
If you usually remind students that they "have a choice," (or hear teachers saying the same statement without success) experiment with this new approach instead. You may be pleasantly surprised to find students come up with the best choices on their own.