When in Doubt, Count the Exceptions

It’s Monday. You have a big case load. I have some ideas to shrink it.  Here goes!

1. A middle school girl is sent to your office for "misbehaving again," according to her teacher. However, you find that she’s only been referred once before—six weeks ago, by the same teacher.

2. A high school senior comes to you after lunch, concerned about getting a 'B' (83%) in AP Calculus. All his other grades are 'A's, and he’s in the top 10% of his class. He’s never earned less than an 'A' in an AP class before and is anxious as the semester nears its end.

3. An eight-year-old elementary student is sent to your office for fighting at recess after someone took the kickball from him. His teacher recalls that, earlier in the year, he managed conflicts well, but today, he didn’t—and she’s worried.

Focus on the Exceptions to Find Solutions

Each situation can be approached in many ways, but today, I encourage you to focus on the exceptions in each case.  Exceptions are times when the problem occurs less, or, not at all.

For the Middle School Student

Be curious about how she managed to stay out of trouble for six weeks. Ask questions like:

• "What were you doing during those weeks when things went well?"

• "What did your teacher do that helped?”

• "What else helped you to behave well?”

For the High School Senior

This student has a track record of academic success and the foresight to seek help early. Ask:

• "Have you faced similar worries in other classes before? How did you handle them that worked?"

• "What strengths do you have that help you succeed, even when you are concerned?”

For the Elementary Student

This student has shown he can manage conflicts well in the past. Say:

• "Your teacher mentioned that earlier in the year, you were good at resolving conflicts. What did you do differently back then?"

• "What would other kids say about how you handled things before?"

• "What might I have seen you do that worked?"

The exceptions = steps to take toward solutions and, they are practically guaranteed to work, because they have worked before.

This week, as you address complaints and dilemmas, focus on exceptions—times when problems happen less often or are well-managed. Ask about those moments and take notes. View the person in front of you as the expert of their experience, and ask questions that only they can answer.

Your case load will be lighter.