Let’s Sleigh This Final Stretch! 🎄🎅

The holiday break is almost here!

You can practically smell the cookies, hear the jingle bells, and feel the freedom of two glorious weeks without too much responsibility

But first, we’ve got one last sprint to the finish line, and we need some solution focused magic to make it happen!

Chances are that students, teachers and parents alike will be all over you during the last few weeks to save the day with the following requests:

1. Teachers will file in, concerned about their students’ “lack of motivation.”

2. Parents will call with complaints like, “she’s just not applying herself.”  

3. Students will come in, plop down and just look forlorn and tired, ready to have a break, wanting the adults in their lives to just chill.

So, what can a true solution focused school counselor do with these overwhelming expectations?  Chill and try out some of these responses to the requests above!

1. Teachers who want to motivate students:

“Sounds tough. Tell me, what will that student be doing someday when he is motivated?”  

“So, look back for a minute and tell me about a time during this semester when he was slightly motivated.” 

“If you asked him about times when he was slightly motivated, what might he say the class was doing?  What would he say you did?”

“Tell me about a student in the past that you enlightened so much that he or she got motivated, just a little.  (wait for an answer). What would that student say you did that might have helped?”

Then:

“On the way back to class, think of some things about this current student that tell you he can do the work. Think of three things.  Then, when you get to class, take him aside and tell him those three thoughts you had. Then, try out what you just told me worked for that other student. I will check back with you tomorrow.”

2. Parents who want their students to apply themselves.

“Wow, you must really think your daughter has lots of potential. That is quite amazing. Tell me times in the past when she did apply herself.  When else?”

“Tell me what she might say you did to help her excel like that, even in other situations like with her siblings, scouts, or other social situations. What else might she say you did, or others did to bring her out, so she applied herself well? I wonder if you would be willing to ask her what you did?”

Then: 

 “So, what would you suggest trying out with your daughter for a day or two, so she knows you believe she has this ability and wants to apply herself slightly more?”

“Great…hey, check back with me in a day or so to tell me what’s going better.”

3. Students who want parents to chill out.

“I totally get it that you want your parents to chill.  Hey, tell me, what will it be like for YOU when your parents begin to chill out over grades?”  What else?

“Take me back to a time when your parents were not worried about your grades, and you had that chance to chill out. What did you do to make things good for you so you could chill too?”

“If your parent(s) were in here now, what might they say you could do on a very small scale to get them to chill for the next day or so, like you did before?”

Then:

“Hey, tell me something that you might do for a day or so that will get them to chill a little bit.”

“I will come find you in a day or so to see what you have figured out to get your parents to chill. I look forward to it.”

Altogether Now!

Let’s summarize what the solution focused approach helped me to do in each of these scenarios:

I played detective, looking to the school client to tell me times when their preferred future was occurring. I was looking for exceptions, remembering that when people want something, it is because they have experienced it before. 

I used the school client’s words in constructing the questions to help me join, engage and honor their request. That lowered resistance helped me to join and see them as experts.

I encouraged them to ask the person(s) they wanted to change what they (school client) could do to create the change they wanted. That’s systems theory at work. When people do something different, the more likely it is that the other person changes.

So, this week, think of yourself as Santa, delivering early, the gift of looking within your school clients to recognize their abilities when they complain about others.

Whether it’s inspiring a student to turn in that one last assignment, helping a teacher realize just how cherished she really is by that slumbering student, or helping a parent make a huge difference by asking their child/teen what they need, you can be helpful by doing LESS! 

Let the solution force do it for you. 

Join me for the last SF Connection this semester on Wednesday, December 4 for more ways to make it to that jolly finish line.  We will celebrate together with some surprises.

Thank you for being the jolliest bunch of educators this side of the North Pole. Together, let’s sleigh the end of this semester and give ourselves a strong cup of cocoa.