The Power of a Question

It’s Monday.

The referrals are already stacking up.

A student stormed out of class.

A teacher’s waiting outside your door.

A parent just left a voicemail that sounds like a novel.

In moments like these, it’s tempting to jump into fix-it mode and put stress on yourself to offer solutions, advice, or “what they need to do next.”

And while that may feel like the most helpful thing you can do in the moment, it’s usually not what makes the biggest difference to the people needing a solution.

Here’s the truth... advice is forgettable... but a good question can be transformational.

When we give advice, we take ownership of the solution and get the credit when it works and the blame when it does not work.

When we ask a meaningful question, we hand it back to the person who actually needs it and they carve out better ideas that work.

As school counselors, our greatest tool isn’t our expertise, it’s our curiosity.

A frustrated student says, “Nothing ever works.”
You could respond with ten strategies.

Or you could ask...
“What has helped a little, in a similar situation, just once?”

A teacher vents, “I’m done. I can’t get through to him lately.”
You could share ideas from a training.

Or you could ask...
“When you did get through to him before, what would he say you did?”

When we ask questions like these, we give the student or adult a chance to see their own resourcefulness.

We uncover hidden strengths.

We restore agency to the students and that is a golden SEL moment.

We remind them that they can find their way forward and already have, even if only for a moment, in past successes.

This week, resist the urge to solve.

When you feel tempted because you are put on the spot, respond with...
“So, tell me, what will be happening someday soon when things are better for you?

Stay curious even when the person in front of you has no clue.

Do not insert your ideas… wait.

Ask the same question differently, again.

And again.

You see, they have an idea because they want something they have had before… how else would they want it now?

Let your question be the spark that brings them to what helped before.

That’s often all it takes to change everything.