The Invitation That Changed Everything

Years ago, I read about a school counselor who took an unconventional approach to forming a peer mediation group.

Instead of choosing honor students, student council members, or the most popular kids, she asked students to nominate peers they would feel comfortable talking to if they had a problem to solve.

When the nominations came in, she noticed one name that stood out - not for his leadership skills or stellar reputation, but because he was often sent to the office for disrespectful behavior. Despite this, his peers had chosen him as someone they trusted, so she kept him on the list.

When she presented her selections to the principal, she was met with resistance.

“No way,” the principal said. “Why should we reward someone like him with a position like this?”

The counselor simply replied:

“Because the students named him. I want to keep him on the list.”

The principal relented - but only on the condition that the counselor would be responsible if the student caused trouble.

But instead of making trouble, the student thrived.

Given the chance to be part of something meaningful, he became one of the strongest peer mediators in the group. Not only did he excel at guiding his peers through conflicts, but he even began mediating between gang members. His grades improved, his behavior changed, and his parents were overjoyed.

This story serves as a powerful reminder that when students with behavioral challenges are invited into positive roles, they often rise to the occasion.

Pairing them with well-behaved, socially confident peers creates a natural form of mentorship - one where positive behaviors are modeled and reinforced.

It’s about inclusion, trust, and giving students the chance to see themselves in a different light.

Yes, the students may need some coaching from you, but I think you’ll soon see it won’t take much coaching at all.

I saw this dynamic firsthand when I worked as an elementary school counselor.

When I was asked to run a group for misbehaving or socially awkward boys, I made one key decision: I didn’t just include boys with behavior concerns. I sprinkled in students with strong social skills—and the results were amazing.

• The boys with challenges had role models to learn from.

• The boys with better social skills developed patience and leadership.

• Teachers were thrilled with the progress.

Just this past week, I watched a new Netflix show, Adolescence - which I highly recommend.

With the overwhelming influence of social media, our students are more vulnerable than ever. I truly believe that by forming groups that blend different social skill levels, we can help mitigate the negative effects of online pressures, and possibly, turn a life around.