Rethinking How to Manage Students and Prevent School Violence

December 17, 2024•25 min read

As a world, we scramble ambitiously to find answers to school violence. We examine our gun laws, our profiling processes and social media to find clues that can help us to stop the violence. Our students march for revolutionary change. It seems that there are all sorts of proposed solutions and most of them are reactive. We put things in place to recognize and profile students who may be sending us messages that they are planning an attack. We are hypervigilant in our efforts to protect our youth. We are fighting a war, and we just want our children to be safe. We are trying everything we know.

A Chapter to Propose a Different Way

So, this is a chapter from my book Counseling Toward Solutions, to propose a different way of thinking about managing students (some may refer to this as disciplining students) and preventing school violence. It is a chapter to rethink how we respond to students who misbehave, frighten us and act out. It proposes creating a different, solution-focused climate in our schools that can, systemically, begin to make a difference.

To begin, let’s take a look back at someone that each of us probably studied as educators, who proposed, a long time ago, that human beings have needs. Many of us learned about Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in college.

“Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (1943) is used to study how humans intrinsically partake behavioral motivation. Maslow used the terms “physiological”, “safety”, “belonging and love”, “social needs” or “esteem”, and “self-actualization” to describe the pattern through which human motivation generally move.”

Maslow defined self-actualization to be “the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for him [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially… to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.”

(http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Maslow/motivation.htm)

The Needs of Children and Adolescents

Ideally, then, children and adolescents need a context to become what Maslow refers to as self-actualized. The children and adolescents in our school that are motivated, kind, respectful and have a good sense of self have probably encountered loving adults and community that provided for their needs. We enjoy and praise such children and adolescents and rally around them as examples of success. We invite them to be in a variety of school clubs, projects, events and other activities that highlight their strengths.

But the other students, less fortunate to have a community that cares and can provide for their needs, long for such support. They come to school without the skills to ask for emotional help. Some are very quiet, shy about their personal lives and others act out, trying to fit in to feel a belonging of sorts. Often times the group the students choose is made up of similar students like them. Together, the group seeks justice for not having what the other groups have that are revered by the school and staff and they do so through unfortunate, even destructive means. They are, after all, young humans without healthy life experiences, seeking desperately to be accepted, to belong and to be loved. That population is often conceptualized as the troublemakers and they provide confirmation daily, it seems.

The Problem with Traditional Discipline

Our tendency as an educational system is to consequence such students and push them away as a means to teach them how to behave and become good citizens. We also do it to stay safe ourselves. The problem is, however, that given their lack of connection to a healthy community, they rarely know how to accept such actions willingly. So, they repeat the offenses over and over and educators scratch their heads, wondering what to do next.

The behaviorists tout that consistency in consequences should result in a change of behavior. They tout too, that rewards work. Yet, those rewards rarely happen in a context where only profiling happens. And the consequences…the students just don’t care.

A Radical Change to Discipline: Relational Engagement

So, capitalizing on Maslow’s ideas, imagine instead, as a beginning of doing something different, we take a new route to get students on a road to self-actualization. If humans must achieve a sense of belonging, feeling loved, and self-actualization, those students who engage in questionable behavior should be given consequences but also, are also asked to join a club, or project, or activity that engages them with a new sort of community. The systemic change that occurs in that engagement might begin to provide what the student is indeed looking for, only healthier. This solution-focused process of relational engagement focuses on creating a preferred future with the student:

Steps to Relational Engagement

1. The Initial Conversation

After a student is referred for a misdeed and hears the policy that was broken and then the expectations to stay within the policy, the administrator invites the school counselor to the conversation with the referred student and introduces the student “an important person to meet.” The referral incident is put aside for a while, as the administrator and staff talk with the student. It is as if a new opportunity is provided to the student. Together, the educators talk with the student about his/her interests. They have a conversation about what the student likes to do outside of school, what home is like, strengths he may possess and how they want him to be an integral part of the school.

2. Weekly Counselor Check-ins

Unless the offense warrants immediate removal from school, the school counselor sets a time weekly, for a few weeks for the student to come by and talk about whatever the student wishes to discuss. The Reputation Rebuilding Conversation can be the first topic at the first conversation. Thereafter, the three solution-focused steps that delineate the student’s best hopes should be discussed. This occurs for at least three weeks in a row.

3. Reintegration After Suspension

If the offense results in suspension, when the student returns, they are invited to a team meeting where the teachers and administration let the student know that they are determined to help the student succeed in school. The meeting results in offering the student a teacher mentor, who will check daily on the student to insure a connection.

4. Activity or Club Participation

The administration requires the student, as part of the referral or suspension process, to choose from a variety of clubs, activities, school events, office aid positions, etc., as a means of re-integrating him/her into a new context. If there are no clubs of interest, the student is invited to create one with administrative approval and a teacher mentor. The student must participate in the new activity for at least six weeks. If the student does not follow through, the school staff rethinks how they can continue to pursue his involvement, utilizing the mentor. The staff does not give up until the student is engaged!

5. Teacher Engagement

Teachers meet as a faculty as this program unfolds and are informed of the process that the student must embark on and are encouraged to engage with the student each day, in a friendly manner. They are asked to watch for the student’s interests and to create opportunities in the classroom for the student to engage. The teachers are given some training by the school counselor about the ideas behind the new program. The teachers are told that that such involvement at first may be a challenge for the student and the teacher is to remain patient. However, the teacher pursues until they get involvement.

6. Parental Support

Parents are notified of the school’s plan for the student and are invited to come to school and meet with the counselor and teachers in an effort to support their child or adolescent’s evolution into a healthier context of friends, community and school involvement. The conversation is completely solution-focused, providing a refreshing new conversation about best hopes for the student.

This process is indeed a new idea for schools to consider. It creates a Solution-focused Climate and that leads to relational engagement. Once engaged, a student has a better chance to trust his/her environment, feel valued and most probably, react differently.

No Change of Policy Required: Just a Change of Heart

Hopefully, now that you are reading Chapter Nine, you are beginning to get an idea that how we engage even the most disrespectful and frustrating student is different with a solution-focused approach.

A basic principle of solution-focused work, as described by Steve de Shazer is this:

“There is no such thing as a resistant client, only an inflexible therapist” (de Shazer, 1988).

In other words, to achieve adherence to policies that keep our schools safe, we need to enforce the policies and engage at the same time! We should reach out to the very population we are serving and find ways to cooperate with basic human needs. We must keep in mind what our best hopes are for our schools: to provide a safe environment where students are motivated to succeed and do succeed. If our current approach is not working, it is insanity to continue.

Inspiration from Garza High School

The climate at Garza High School is an example of the climate described above. When a student who has taken part in questionable acts and has been expelled or has dropped out of school, they walk into a welcoming climate. All of the staff and clerical staff are friendly, engaging and interested in every person who walks through the doors. (personal experience, 2019). The climate is purposefully one where respect and mindset rule. The faculty have a mindset that all students who enter the door want to be there and their job, as facilitators is to assist the student to find what will drive them to success. They know that it is not easy to reach every student, but they are determined to try as many times as needed to make a connection. It is the student who drives the process.

According to Franklin and Streeter (2003, p. 11), eight characteristics enable Garza High School to be considered a solution-building school:

1. Faculty emphasis on building strengths of students

2. Attention given to individual relationships and progress of the students

3. Emphasis upon student choices and personal responsibility

4. Overall commitment to achievement and hard work

5. Trust in student evaluations

6. Focus on student’s future success instead of past difficulties

7. Celebrating small steps toward success

8. Reliance on outcome-setting activities

The administrators at Garza High School developed a mission statement that is both relational and individualized to reflect the major values and philosophy of the solution-building school: “Gonzalo Garza Independence High School shall foster a communityof empowered learners in an atmosphere of mutual respect and trust where every individual is challenged to learn, grow, and accomplish outcomes now and in the future” (Franklin & Streeter, 2003, p. 13).

All individuals—administrators, facilitators (teachers), staff, and students—are expected to practice and model the Garza Code of Honor:

Demonstrate personal honor and integrity at all times.
Choose peace over conflict.
Respect for ourselves and others
(Franklin & Streeter, 2003, p. 13)

The next section provides a list of statements reflecting the students’ enforcement of the code of honor. Each student is given this code of honor and is expected to follow it. The staff reinforce the code by their own behaviors, similar to the code.

Enforcement of the Code of Honor Garza High School

Students are not given suspension, but “reflection” when they do something wrong.
Students are loyal to the school and protective of other students and the school environment.
Students become more independent and confident because they take personal responsibility for their success.
Students need more self-discipline to succeed at Garza because they are given a lot of freedom.
Students do not have fights. Students are mature.
Students respect the campus and code of honor.
Students treat teachers with respect. Students respect each other.
Students get to know teachers, counselors, administrators, and staff on an individual basis.
During disciplinary situations there is also evidence that students take personal responsibility for breaking the code of honor.

Source: Franklin & Streeter (2003, p. 14).

No Hammer Involved

As a result, Garza High School has, as of this writing, an 80% graduation rate. They have no discipline problems. None. So, an alternative school with a high at-risk population of students who otherwise, would not get a high school diploma, is the most peaceful of schools in its school district. What on earth are the staff doing to create this climate? They respond differently to their students, creating an atmosphere of trust and respect.

The solution-focused school counselor works with the mindset that her job is to create an opportunity (within the code of honor expectations) where students can find their way to success. Sometimes students come with a reputation and it is exciting to begin asking them about their reputation. The reputation of any adolescent is particularly important, since the adolescent years are all about identity.

Consider the following dialogue:

COUNSELOR: Tell me what your reputation is in Mr. Howard’s class.

STUDENT: He would probably say that I am disrespectful to him even though it is he who is much more disrespectful to me. He told me last week that I had a real attitude and that it would probably get the best of me.

This description and defensiveness usually lead an adolescent to show that defensiveness in the classroom, defying the authority more because of the damage done to his self-esteem. Yes, the student was responsible for his attitude in the classroom, but a solution-focused school counselor

sees that perhaps another influence encouraged that attitude to be maintained, such as the teacher’s remarks. An adolescent’s nature is to see himself as invincible, so when an adult tries to destroy his attitude through words, the defense mechanism goes full throttle. By listening to the adolescent and giving him a chance to find solutions to the situation for his own sake, the counselor might continue:

COUNSELOR: That must be terrible for you. How do you wish he would talk to you in class that would be less hurtful?

STUDENT: Something nice for a change. In fact, if he would be nice to me first, I might be nice back. That will never happen though. Youdon’tknow him. He just doesn’t like me. I can tell.

Here the adolescent reveals what he wishes would happen. While he is still focusing on what the adult is doing, he begins to give the school counselor an idea of what the student might do in response to the teacher’s doing something different:

COUNSELOR: You seem as if you are nice already! Too bad Mr. Howard doesn’t see that trait of yours yet. I wonder what you think you might do as an experiment, just for tomorrow, that might really shock him and change his belief about you so that he could see this “nice” trait that I see?

This challenge is something that both adolescents and children enjoy. It becomes a game to play that they feel they might win, along with a little coaching from the counselor. And, of course, they love the shock factor that sometimes happens: “Shock my teacher? Yes, I would like to do that.”

STUDENT: I would probably have to walk in, sit down, and do my work. He probably wouldn’t notice though.

This becomes a crucial point for the solution-focused school counselor to pay attention to. As the adolescent describes what he can do, it is important that the counselor commend him on the idea and then relay the plan, along with the student’s help and permission, to Mr. Howard, opening up the possibilities for success. This can be done through an e-mail message or a handwritten letter and should note only what the student is trying to do. Whether or not Mr. Howard is interested in learning that his challenging student is trying new strategies in class is not as important as it is for the student to know that Mr. Howard knows about the plan. This will help the teacher watch the student’s behavior. Mr. Howard will have a tough time ignoring the fact that the student makes the changes, and as he notices, he may respond differently to the student. But even if the teacher does not, most students continue with their plan.

COUNSELOR: That is a terrific idea. With your permission, would you help me write an e-mail to Mr. Howard, describing to him that you are working on changing his image of you? I want him to notice the kind of student that I see in my office. You seem bright, interested in being perceived correctly, and you also like to stand up for what you believe. I believe you are all these things and my hope is that Mr. Howard can begin to see it too.

Dear Mr. Howard,

Thank you for referring Ken to me. He and I are working on some issues that you were concerned about, and he has given me permission to write to you. He wanted to let you know that he has some ideas about changing his behavior. Please watch over the next few days for changes that Ken makes in your class. When you notice, I am sure Ken would appreciate your saying so.

Sincerely,

Linda Metcalf and Ken Smith

Even if Mr. Howard never mentions the changes that Ken makes, the fact is that Ken knows his school counselor believes in him. Then the counselor can talk to Ken about how there may be other people in his life who won’t respond to his changes when he wishes they would. By processing this, the counselor can ask Ken what he could think about to keep on making changes in spite of that tendency. As a school counselor, I learned that it was often the toughest students who bought into the idea of rebuilding their reputation. It was as if they knew they had apparently dug themselves into such a deep hole with their misbehavior, lack of motivation, and other antics that no one ever thought that they could climb out. Merely suggesting to them that they could climb out and rebuild their reputation seemed as if they could lift themselves out.

A guide to help students rebuild their reputation follows.

Reputation Building Exercise

Step 1: Describe the student’s current reputation.

“Tell me how you and others in your life would describe you now, with this current reputation.”

Step 2: Describe how the reputation has interrupted the student’s life.

“Tell me how the current reputation has interfered with your life at school, at home, or with friends.”

Step 3: How would you rather people see you at school?

“What will others begin seeing you do that will convince them that your reputation has changed?”

“How will the new reputation help you to get what’s important to you?”

A Prevention Exercise Goes a Long Way

School counselors often have an opportunity to help students bypass punishment by simply processing with them alternative ways of relating to school staff. When this opportunity knocks, it can intrinsically change a student, which then has an impact on her teachers and school staff.

How one approaches such an unhappy, disgruntled student is “all in the conversation,” as the following case study by Nicole Shannon illustrates.

Rena, age thirteen, was referred to interventionist Nicole Shannon at a middle school in Fort Worth, Texas, because of her disrespectful attitude toward her English teacher. When she arrived at the interventionist’s office, Shannon asked Rena why she had been referred. She said she was referred because her teacher hated her and wanted to send her away to alternative school. She told Shannon that she was close to being placed in the alternative school if she was referred one more time.

Shannon wrote this description as she spent time working with Rena:

I began by asking her if she had ever been sent to alternative school before and she said “yes,” she was sent last year.

I said: “Wow, how have you made it through twenty-four weeks of the school year without being sent to the alternative school?”

She replied, surprised, that she was just lucky.

I then asked her what she had been doing that had helped her to remain at school so far.

She said that she had been trying to do better but now she did not care because she really believed that her English teacher hated her.

I asked her if there was another teacher at school that she felt did not hate her.

She said “yes.”

I asked her what she did that helped the teacher to not hate her.

She said that it might be because she does not talk in that class and that she is on time to that class.

I told Rena that I was very proud of her for not talking in that class and commended her on getting to that class on time. I asked her when she did those same things when she was in her English class, and she said “never.”

She told me that her friends were in the English class and she likes to talk to them.

I told her that it sounds like she must be well liked by her peers and that I suspect that she has a lot of friends. I then asked her if she would like to get her English teacher off her back.

She said she did not care.

I asked what she did care about, and she said she did not want to get placed in alternative school again because she would then have to go live with her grandmother.

Rena and I began talking about what it would take for her to stay in school. I asked her how was it that she was able to remain in class during the rest of her school days and not be referred.

She said that her friends were not in those classes, so she did not talk as much.

I then asked what she thoughtshe could do to not talk as much in her English class.

She said she could try to not sit by her friends.

I told her that I thought she had a great idea and that she must be rather mature to come up with an idea like that. Then I asked her how she could do that.

She suggested that she could ask her teacher to move her away from her friends.

I said that sounded like a great idea and asked if she would like to try that.

She said “yes.”

Together, we composed a letter to her teacher asking her to move her away from her friends and then sent a copy of the letter to her vice principal, letting him know what she was trying to do.

The next week when I checked in with Rena, she had only been referred out twice since we had talked, which was a dramatic improvement. My plan is to continue to seek her expertise in lowering those referrals.

What did Shannon do that made a difference in Rena’s actions? She stepped into the worldview of Rena and became an ally against the situation. By doing so, she was able to sympathize with the situation and then make Rena responsible for changing her actions to achieve a better outcome.

If Shannon had begun the session discussing what Rena had done wrong, chances are that like many other adolescents, Rena would have felt accused by yet another adult and then rebelled.

Another important aspect of Shannon’s intervention was her ignoring the fact that Rena said that “she did not care.”

Most preadolescents and adolescents do care, but their integrity often gets in the way of admitting so. The solution-focused approach helps the school counselor see past this pathology and keep moving forward to solutions.

A Team Effort Pays Off

A fourteen-year-old female student relayed to me this wonderful intervention that occurred for her one day at her middle school, and it points to the power of teams:

STUDENT: I guess I had not been doing as well as I was before these last six weeks. I’d kind of gotten lazy. One day last week, all my teachers called me into the conference room. I knew I was in deep trouble. Instead, do you know what they said? They said they were concerned about me. They said I was a good kid and that other students really looked up to me and that I could really help them out. I was shocked. Then they went around the room, and each of them told me something good about myself. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me at school.

LM: Wow, what else happened then?

STUDENT: They told me my grades had dropped, but they had my folder there and showed me how I had done so well early in the year. They asked me if I needed anything from them so I could improve. I couldn’t believe it. It was really cool. I told them I didn’t know right away, but I would think about it. They told me they were going to watch me very closely and ask me if I needed them again.

LM: They must really believe in you. STUDENT: I guess so. It was awesome.

The student went from grades in the 70s to 80s and 90s in six weeks, and her behavior improved dramatically. She had previously dropped out of several activities, but after the conference, she began to get tutoring and join new activities.

Her mom was impressed with the initiative of the school to call this conference with her daughter. The daughter felt a positive pressure to improve and a sense of support that she had not recognized before.

The teachers who were clever enough to devise such a conference gave this student a belief in herself that she needed during the troubled time she was going through. The teachers also changed their image in the student’s mind and the student “paid them back” by being more supportive of the teachers during class time.

How wise of the teachers to approach the student in this way. The conference was a respectful, compassionate, and empowering experience for the student. The student felt supported and saw herself as important to the teachers. The conference took ten minutes from class preparation before school one day, and the results lasted the rest of the term.

Focusing on when the student did well, mixed with concern, empathy, and compliments for a plan of action, equaled student success and impressed the parent as well.

A guide for conducting such a conference is included here. The “We Believe in You” worksheet can be filled in by teachers who cannot make the conference, but there is power in numbers. If the student has been working with an administrator, ask for his or her comments as well, and give a copy to the student.

We Believe in You!

Name: ____________________________________ Date: ______________________________

1. What we’ve noticed about you and your successful times at school:

Teacher: _________________________________________________________________________

Summary

Are the disciplinary strategies at your school affecting your students in a manner designed to produce moral or mental improvement? Or do those strategies convey punishment? Do the strategies come across as a collaborative means to help students improve their academic performance, or merely teach them consequences? Are students engaged or, does the current process push them further away and disengage them?

These are tough questions, and a school counselor and school staff are wise to consider their answers. In addition, if the current strategies are not working, the school staff is even wiser to revise them. An integral part of the solution-focused approach is to stop doing what is not working. Many schools then say, “What else can we do?” The solution-focused ideas in this chapter will serve such a school well.

School Counselor Practice Task: Chapter Nine

This week seek out students that you typically do not see. Ask teachers to suggest students that seem less engaged in school and invite those students into your office to just chat. You can suggest that you are making it a point to meet all of the students in your school and get to know them. Don’t be surprised if they are surprised and a bit quiet at the notion of meeting with you. Persevere and be friendly.

Do the same for a teacher that you know sometimes struggles with classroom management. Try stopping by his/her classroom and just saying hello. Don’t attempt to talk about any issues. Instead, just let them know that you don’t know them well and want to change that! Doing something like this is a) modeling a new behavior and b) systemic, in that a teacher who feels cared for, might do more of that for her/his students!

To carry this further, ask teachers, through an email, to do the same: walk up to a quiet student or, a student that sometimes does not perform well or misbehaves and just ask them to chat. Learn about who they are. Choose them to do an errand. Ask them for their ideas. Do something to engage them.

Carrying out this type of activity is proactive and sends a message to staff, students and teacher that they are important. And, according to Maslow, when we feel important, we are the best human we can be, especially to others.

From: Metcalf, L. (2021). Counseling Toward Solutions: A practical solution focused approach for working with students, teachers and parents. Routledge.